Vera
Dear Ladies
My wife flies into terrifying rages every time that I fail to please her.’ve talked with a number of our friends and I gather that they feel I’m a saint to put up with what I do. Frankly, I”m inclined to agree with them. We’ve tried marital therapy and I can’t see that it helped at all. Any suggestions?
MaryannI
Dear Saint,
Try a different marital therapist; and, this time, be sure that you pick one who has particular expertise with the diagnostic category: Sanctus Humanus I——not someting found in the most current DSM psychiatric diagnostic manual, but it should be there. It sounds as if your wife has serious difficulties and I do not mean to diminsh that for either of you; hopefully, you can help her find an extremely competent psychotherapist who also likes and can appreciate your wife. But your “saintliness” isn’t helping your wife one iota. When a woman makes the mistake of marrying a man who easily feels himself to be a saint, the attitude is crazy making; she can never do or be anything worth celebrating——after all, who can ever top or even equal a saint!
Vera
Dear Saintly One,
Reflect on the reasons you married her (I doubt she flew into these rages while you dated her-if she did,I’ll stop here) and remember what you both shared when enjoying each others company.If her behavior has changed so drastically could it be a medical problem? If you’re not sure urge her to have a check-up and maybe follow up with a call to her doctor. As for the “number of friends “you’ve discussed this with,it seems a bit disloyal on your part unless you were actually looking for some insight from those who know your wife well .In which case they would be more concerned with offering a solution rather than applauding your sainthood. As a last resort I’d find another marriage counselor as all are not equal. Many find it easier to dispense advice but can’t get their own house in order.Example from a high profiled practitioner—Dr. Phil.
Maryanne
Maryanne is a 45-year Huntington resident with lots of grown children and more grandchildren than she can count on her fingers and toes (no, she isn’t missing any digits). She’s third generation Irish, raised in Brooklyn and a big fan of chocolate, Halloween and Subarus.
Vera has been a psychotherapist for over 30 years and drives a Subaru. She’s an out-of-towner with Huntington relatives. She lives in the mountains is a mother and grandmother, . Vera asked us to remind our readers that every situation is unique and complicated; explore your situation in detail with your psychotherapist and/or your physician.
If you have a question you’d like us to pose to Maryanne & Vera please send us a note with “Broad View Question” in the subject line to publisher@VillageTattler.com
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